I don’t enjoy penetration of any kind unless I’m wet enough to drown a dolphin. And this truth wouldn’t be a problem if sex weren’t always about penetration. One sex therapist put it best when she said, “If most women don’t have orgasms during ‘sex,’ but do have orgasms, perhaps we need to redefine sex.” Amen and Ashé.

With a redefinition that includes pleasurable, intimate touch, kissing and best of all (for me, anyway) cunnilingus, I realize that I had some of my best sex as a teenager. He was Pentecostal and I was a Baptist youth leader. We were both convinced that sex before marriage was wrong and equally convinced that only penetration was sex. It was a sultry, sticky summer full of questions that began with “Do you like?” Sex was a lazy journey without a clear destination...

I bought and sent myself roses on Valentine's day, in order to convince the girls in my 10th grade class that I had admirers.

Everybody just thought of me as the creepy guy who bought himself flowers..

Professionally speaking, I'm what some people call a "sexpert" (and probably what your granny might call a "harlot"). By the ripe age of 20, I'd already written an explicit sex blog, moonlighted as a dating columnist, and had college classmates trade naked photos of me like baseball cards. Since I've graduated, I've made a living speaking about and reporting on sex. So when Marie Claire approached me (along with four other women) about a story on my sexual history and number of partners last fall, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to talk about double standards. There was only one glaring problem: It brought me back to a person I tried mightily not to be anymore, and the "fearless" sexual provocateur they were hoping to interview was now terrified what others might think...

In a decision that can only be described as touchy, a Brazilian judge has reportedly ruled that a 36-year-old female accountant can legally masturbate at work and watch porn on her work computer.

Ana Catarian Bezerra successfully argued that she suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality, according to a viral news story. Her work situation began to suffer because the only way she can relieve her anxiety is by masturbating frequently...

6) Fluid is fun.

Look, sex is sticky. There’s no way around this. If you want to represent the truth of the acts, you will likely be required to pay homage to the resultant wetnesses. And I’m not just talking about semen or vaginal fluid. I’m also talking sweat and saliva, which I consider to be the perfume of lovers, as well as whatever one chooses as a lubricant (sesame oil?).

7) Real people do not talk in porn clichés.

They do not say: "Give it to me, big boy."

They do not say: "Suck it, baby. That’s right, all the way down."

They do not say: "Yes, deeper, harder, deeper! Oh, baby, oh, Christ, yes!"

At least, they do not say these things to me.

Most of the time, real people say all kinds of weird, funny things during sex, such as, "I think I’m losing circulation" and "I’ve got a cramp in my foot" and "Oh, sorry!" and "Did you come already? Goddamn it!"...

We often think that muckraking and tabloid journalism emerged in recent years. But in 1729, 40-some years before the revolution even started, Benjamin Franklin was publishing a tabloid newspaper that had the first-ever sex advice column. He was really a fascinating character with a reputation for seducing women, and that actually helped him in getting France's support for the war. He was the ambassador to France at the time. So even the Founding Fathers were a rowdy bunch of guys.

There were some women that were notorious in the early years too. Dolley Madison was without a doubt the most colorful first lady we ever had. She had a couple of her sisters live with her in the White House, and they were really pretty wild girls. They used to throw parties there, and they would invite members of the Continental Army. One of President James Madison's Cabinet members said to him, "I know you don't want to hear this, but your wife has single-handedly turned the White House into a brothel."...

[Nickname] will unlock her nude pics when donations to her charity reach [X] dollars.

Breasts - Diddeys, bubbies (a bushel bubby is a full-breasted woman), chicken-breasted (flat-chested), one's dairy, cupid's kettle drums
Testicles - Whirlygigs, ballocks, bawbles, trinkets, gingambobs, thingambobs, tallywags, twiddle-diddles
Woman's private parts - Cock alley, Cock Lane, one's commodity, dumb glutton, fruitful vine, old hat (because frequently felt), Miss or Lady Laycock, madge, money (commonly applied to little children. 'Careful there miss, or you'll show us your money'), muff, notch, cunny, quim, crinkum-crankum
Willy - Arbor vitae, gaying instrument, lobcock (a willy that's large and relaxed), Nebuchadnezzar, plug-tail, tackle, whore-pipe
Shagging - to tup, to dab it up with, to give a green gown (ie. get her dress grassy), to join giblets, to grind, to knock, to occupy, prigging, wapping..

1. Myth: The penis is a muscle.
This myth gets peddled by those dudes who want to sell techniques for “strengthening” and lengthening the penis. But in fact, the penis isn’t a muscle. It’s a collection of spongy tissues that rely entirely on engorgement with blood to become erect. The most important muscle in terms of getting and sustaining a hard-on is the heart. Draw your own conclusions from that.
Some experts believe you can strengthen erections by building your kegel muscles (men and women have them). This involves repetitive squeezing, as if you’re holding back and then releasing urine. For men, strong kegels may help with premature ejaculation—and they may intensify orgasm...

Among their more surprising findings: Straight men enjoy a wider variety of erotica than imagined, including sites devoted to elderly women and transsexuals. Foot fetishes aren’t a deviance; men are evolutionarily wired to look for small feet, which are a sign of high estrogen production, which itself is a sign of fertility. Gay men and straight men have nearly identical brains, and their favorite body parts, in order of preference, line up exactly: chests, buttocks, feet. Straight men prefer heavy women to thin ones. Straight women enjoy reading about and watching romances between two men — it’s not about the sex, which is downplayed, but the emotion, which is the focus. (The largest audience for “Brokeback Mountain,” says the book, was straight women.) Straight men have a fascination with other men’s penises, which may be conscious or unconscious...

The Laundry Room

Most hostels have a laundry room that is abandoned at night. If you’re feeling naughty, the stacks of fresh-smelling sheets and towels make an ideal love-nest.

The more considerate and hygienic option is to make use of the sturdy appliances, with the woman sitting on top of the washer / dryer. (Extra points for spin cycle).

The Roof

When checking into your next hostel, take a look around and see if there’s any way to access the roof. Overhanging trees are one possibility, as are upstairs windows with broad sills from which you can pull yourself up to the rooftop.

Of course safety is important, and you shouldn’t take unnecessary risks, but you’d be surprised at how many hostel roofs are accessible with a little ingenuity.

And once you’re up there – well, the sky is the limit...

It’s no secret that many Japanese people have a rather liberal response to the admittedly subjective question, “What’s weird in the bedroom?” But that doesn’t mean they’re running around being all pervy and pulling their dicks out in the street. In fact, the only ways you will ever see a Japanese penis in public is by sneaking a peek into the sento (the neighborhood public bath), or by heading to Kawasaki on the first Sunday in April, where you will be bombarded with more dicks than you can shake a stick at. Short, fat, crooked, straight, hard, squishy… they’re all there, and many of them are edible.

This 300-year-old matsuri, called the Festival of the Steel Penis, is based on a legend about a demon who hid inside the vagina of a young girl and castrated two men on her wedding night—why two men? I have no idea. She then asked a blacksmith to forge an iron dildo to shove up her hungry orifice to slay the demon. This inspired Shintoists to build a gigantic penis shrine to protect her and other sexual deviants from STDs...

Shut the door and lock it. Now stand in front of the mirror and slowly take off your clothes. Marvel at your body -- the flatness of your stomach, the curve of your hamstrings. Years of running have made your hips lean and your calves sculpted. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are a runner.

And, fabulous physical specimen that you are, you love sex. Studies have shown that those who exercise have more sex than those who don't. If you're one of those readers who came to the sport later in life, research shows that you made the right decision. A Harvard University study found that athletes in their 40s and 60s had the same amount of sex as non-athletes 20 years younger. And it gets better. Men who run are better able to achieve and maintain an erection, and women who run have an easier time getting aroused and experience more intense orgasms...