Pat Robertson once said,
"It's a long downward slide
That'll lead to legalizing sex with ducks
If two men can stand side by side"

God, I hope he's right
'Cause if gay marriage becomes lawful
Gonna find myself a duck
And legally do
Something awful (awful, awful)

Ducks, sex with ducks
We'll do it in the rain
Ducks, yeah, ducks
Got those wet feet on my brain
We'll find a pond, we'll find a puddle
Put your beak in mine and we'll cuddle
It's a feeling I can't name...

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,…

'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow!....................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. ..............'Get your own f#%+ing blanket.'

After a moment of silence, .......................he farted.

The End

1. Men are like.. Laxatives: They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.. Bananas: The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like.. Weather: Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like.. Blenders: You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like.. Chocolate: Bars Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like.. Commercials: You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like.. Department Stores: Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like.. Government Bonds: They take soooooooo long to mature.
9 . Men are like.. Mascara: They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like.. Popcorn: They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like.. Snowstorms: You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like.. Lava Lamps: Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like.. Parking Spots: All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.

It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark.

Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.

If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.

It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"

Some folks have it, some don't.

Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.

Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.

Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop.

Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

1. I'll swallow it all…I love the taste!
2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
3. I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy!
4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?
5. That was a great fart! Do another one!
6. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
7. You’re so sexy when you’re hungover.
8. I’d rather watch soccer and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let’s subscribe to Playboy darling...
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Darling…lets go down to the mall so you can check out women asses.
12. I’ll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday’s. I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
14. Honey…our new neighbour’s daughter is sunbathing again. Come see!
15. I know it’s a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
16. No no…I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother is way better than mine.
18. Do me a favour. Forget the stupid Valentine’s Day thing and buy your friends a round of drinks.
19. I understand fully…our anniversary comes once a year, you go play soccer with the boys and I’ll watch the kids.
20. Oh come on, how about we get a good porn movie, a six pack of beer, a few joints and have my friend Tammy come over for a threesome!
21. Oh come on! Not the damn mall again!! Let’s go to that new strip joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us. Why don’t you retire young and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly! Now stop getting up for the night feedings.
24. God…If I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head just for you.