|6 Jun 2011 @ 22:48|
I've loved noncon and have had rape fantasies since as far back as I can remember. We're talking about feeling aroused—or whatever you can call arousal when you're a proto-sexual child—watching Care Bears and My Little Ponies trapped on conveyor belts, watching Donald Duck getting stripped for an exam, tying up Barbies naked and constructing elaborate abduction scenarios with Legos. Sex didn't really excite me unless there was some element of threat or force. (Witness also the genesis of my preferences for bondage, exposure and medical kink, heh.)
Liking fictional rape was a huge source of confusion and shame for me growing up. My friends made grossed-out or disturbed faces when I talked about who I thought were sexy, sexually threatening villains in movies or showed them Mary Sue scenes I'd written. I would blush when something noncon-y occurred in a movie or TV show that I was watching with my parents; it took me years to figure out that that was because I thought they'd know I was turned on by it. It didn't even have to be an out-and-out rape scene. Because, honestly! The Emperor zapping Luke Skywalker until he writhed on the ground! Gul Madred stripping and suspending Captain Picard! Gary Oldman stroking terrified girls' faces in Air Force One and The Professional! The beginning of just about every Law & Order: SVU episode! *shivers with joy* No one I knew shared my predilections, so I learned to keep quiet about them....