In a decision that can only be described as touchy, a Brazilian judge has reportedly ruled that a 36-year-old female accountant can legally masturbate at work and watch porn on her work computer.

Ana Catarian Bezerra successfully argued that she suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality, according to a viral news story. Her work situation began to suffer because the only way she can relieve her anxiety is by masturbating frequently...

Upon the soft grass, in the night, young girls with violet hair have danced together, and one of each pair gave the lover's answer.

The virgins said: "We are not for you." And, as though they were ashamed, they shielded their virginity. An aegipan played a flute beneath the trees.

The others said: "But you will come to seek us." They fashioned their dresses after the manly garb, and languidly struggled and twined their dancing limbs.

Then, each declaring herself to be subdued, she took her comrade by the ears, cup-fashion, and, tilting her head, she drank a lengthy kiss...

6) Fluid is fun.

Look, sex is sticky. There’s no way around this. If you want to represent the truth of the acts, you will likely be required to pay homage to the resultant wetnesses. And I’m not just talking about semen or vaginal fluid. I’m also talking sweat and saliva, which I consider to be the perfume of lovers, as well as whatever one chooses as a lubricant (sesame oil?).

7) Real people do not talk in porn clichés.

They do not say: "Give it to me, big boy."

They do not say: "Suck it, baby. That’s right, all the way down."

They do not say: "Yes, deeper, harder, deeper! Oh, baby, oh, Christ, yes!"

At least, they do not say these things to me.

Most of the time, real people say all kinds of weird, funny things during sex, such as, "I think I’m losing circulation" and "I’ve got a cramp in my foot" and "Oh, sorry!" and "Did you come already? Goddamn it!"...

We often think that muckraking and tabloid journalism emerged in recent years. But in 1729, 40-some years before the revolution even started, Benjamin Franklin was publishing a tabloid newspaper that had the first-ever sex advice column. He was really a fascinating character with a reputation for seducing women, and that actually helped him in getting France's support for the war. He was the ambassador to France at the time. So even the Founding Fathers were a rowdy bunch of guys.

There were some women that were notorious in the early years too. Dolley Madison was without a doubt the most colorful first lady we ever had. She had a couple of her sisters live with her in the White House, and they were really pretty wild girls. They used to throw parties there, and they would invite members of the Continental Army. One of President James Madison's Cabinet members said to him, "I know you don't want to hear this, but your wife has single-handedly turned the White House into a brothel."...